i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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