Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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