Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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