absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
