Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
