First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
