i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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