I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Randomize
