oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
