Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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