When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Send help, water and tortillas.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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