Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
