i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
