Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
