i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
