I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
