He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
