where does the pee come out of this thing
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
