we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
