dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
