i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
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