A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
