I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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