If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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