It's like God shit irony all over that family
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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