I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
