More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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