its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the condom got lost in my hair
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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