Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
