He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
