I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
