Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
