dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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