i jhust puked up my retainher.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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