well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
