His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
