I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
