Redeem this text for a blowjob
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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