did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
