I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think people are normalizing furries
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
