It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
