This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
