i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
two words...techno handjob
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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