when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
