if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
