It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
