If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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