i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
