i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
