just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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