In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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