OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
