Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
