Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
