Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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